‘you deserve to be

completely found

in your surroundings

not lost within them’

---

rupi kaur / milk and honey

 

Be transparent.

Be accountable.

Be open.

Almost like Mantras, they silently influence our responses, decisions and actually, our happiness.

The thing is – somewhere along the script of our lives, we may equate transparency with authenticity.

 

The Mistake I Made

Being transparent does not mean one is authentic.

There were times in my life when I thought myself pretty awesome for being transparent.

I would be as open, honest, vulnerable as I could be –  because I believed I was being authentic.

The difference I only understood years later. After many heartbreaks, dark nights and emotional load shedding.

What showed up in the periphery of my conscious mind, was this truth:

just because I am transparent does not mean

the world – and its people –  will bow to my bidding.

I was, needless to say, highly disappointed.

 

How Yoga taught me the Difference

Back to my yoga mat.

This whole ‘transparency thing’ began to irritate me as I still didn’t get it.

There I was, showing up.

Fully committed to unravelling mySelf. And ready to eat soup with a fork.

And as it always happens – as soon as one is so fed-up with not knowing – the Universe moves in its grandest way.

Suddenly I found myself on a 20 hour flight and just as suddenly, in a yoga class filled with ex-pats and locals.

Now for someone who has lived the greatest part of adult life in a country that has less people (officially) than Mongolia – and Mongolia, population wise, is right up there with Antarctica – it was a totally new experience.

As the days morphed into weeks, and I adapted to my new environment – I realised something very important.

Just because people do Yoga, does not make them authentic.

Transparent maybe.

But not authentic.

For Authenticity is knowing one’s Enoughness.

• Nothing to show.
• Nothing to prove.
• Nothing to do.

Only to Be. Wherever. Whatever. Whoever. Fully Present.

Despite the ability to hook a foot around one’s head – Authenticity is  not a skill.

 

Doing Yoga in a Wetsuit

Transparency, without authenticity, is doing yoga in a wetsuit.

It is still good for you.

But!

It is exhausting.

It takes a lot of energy to constantly try and be.

To constantly hold onto ourselves.

In the words of Lao Tzu –

‘When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be’

 

So…

Lost within my own surroundings, I left.

Only to return, to be found.

By me.

As me.

Breathing through my own skin.

Is enough.