“By persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.” (Oscar Wilde)
That’s my answer too. Except, in my case, it would be ‘a woman coverts herself into a permanent public temptation.’
It all comes down to attitude.
The only thing that you can ever control in this life, is your attitude.
I Always Think it is a Trick Question
Mainly because I don’t ever think of managing my Solo status. It is as if being asked – so, how do you manage your bowel movements?
Years ago, I remember laughing at a scene in the movie, ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’, where the one lady (actress Celia Imrie) replies to the question of ‘so , madam, are you single?’:
- ‘single, by choice – just not my choice’.
I thought it so funny.
Until one day.
When I realised I am no longer solo by my choice.
I am just solo.
Society, or the small collective you find yourself in, maybe don’t care, but they definitely have opinions about it. I may as well be wearing a badge with a warning – solo female in the vicinity!
Either they feel embarrassed – I still don’t know for who though – or they want to patch you up with someone. Mostly, they just give you a wide berth and pitiful glances.
And dare I even say, that the same does not apply to single men where I hail from.
But luckily for me, I have spent so much time on my own that I have grown to love my own company. This is not some New Age, New Wave catch phrase to mask my so-called ‘disabled’ social status.
So if you are out there, Solo, Savvy, Fabulous and Unsure – don’t worry too much about it. I have learnt some tricks to cultivate an attitude of acceptance.
Attitude of Acceptance
This is not the white flag to the Universe, admitting defeat, surrender and the loss of hope.
No – attitude of acceptance is quite powerful.
Because you are actually saying:
- I am willing to experience Life just as it unfolds.
- I am willing to experience parts of me I never knew I had
- I am willing to be afraid
- I am willing to be amazed
- I am willing to be curious
And Yes, Yoga did Assist (as Always)
The reason I am referring to yoga, is because there are invariably certain postures in your practice that become your nemesis.
You actually start cringing internally, 5 asanas before the one you dread to do.
And here’s the thing: It gets worse. And you end up not being able to actually ever get it right, let alone deepen and enjoy it.
This happened to me.
In the Ashtanga Series, my first nemesis was standing on one leg. An asana called Utthita Hasta Padangustasana.
It took me years – until one day.
When I actually said to myself that I don’t care whether I am never able to do this asana. And I just let go of my clinging and holding onto the paradox, of either:
- I couldn’t do it, or
- I had to do it perfectly
I laughed at myself.
And I took the whole seriousness out of the equation.
I changed my attitude.
And Guess What?
Yes, one day, there I was, holding Utthita Hasta Padangustasana as if I was born with only one leg.
However much later, when trying out other styles of yoga – the fact that I had to go through the same journey regarding one-legged postures, is worth mentioning.
Like the Universe was asking me – have you truly changed your attitude?
Need a little refresher course?
I fumbled – I stressed – I wobbled.
Then remembered. To let the seriousness go. What does it matter anyway? If it is no longer enjoyable, what exactly is the point?
And So It Goes
As with any nemesis asana, it really is not worth your while to stress about your solo status.
Life is constantly in flow. And the best way to go about it, is to be part of that flow.
Holding onto stress for things to be different, actually creates a problem where before, there was just a moment.
One moment you are solo, the next moment you fall on your face, the next moment you walk down the street, you have a coffee… and so it flows.
Just be who you are. And do what is required of you in that moment.
And soon you will see, you will forget about your status and stop worrying about a future that is always only a future. And a past that always remains in the past.
Being Solo is One Hell of An Adventure
“I’ve been single for awhile and I have to say, it’s going very well. Like… it’s working out. I think I’m the one.” —Emily Heller